adit and safira runs off and ends up at adit’s rented house but his crazy mum chases safira off. the poor girl. how much more can she take in the name of love?
okay, i’m being overly dramatic … but safira is being faced with even more challenges … she’s going to be married off! so she has decided to follow adit. hmmm …
young love is simple. you just follow your heart. but when you get older. argh. so complicated. but i guess, the reason i like watching this indonesian sinetron even though the script and acting can be a bit off at times … is … it makes me want to believe in the power of love, in the strength of a relationship … that despite the odds, you can achieve happiness … but you gotta be strong. sigh.
the terrible thing about the flu is that you have to take something to reduce the snifflings, sneezings, headache, etc … of course, there’s nothing much you can do about the flu itself. you’ve got to just ride it out.
i bought panadol and an herbal pill called hurix at the grocery store earlier, plus strepsils … my nose was like a runny pipe. and my colleague touched my arm and said i was hot although my hands were cold. couldn’t wait to go home.
and i was sweating for about an hour.
i’ve been reading up about swine flu since yesterday. yeah, of course, i’m worried … although i haven’t been out of the country.
and the wheezing last night worried me too.
oh, yeah. earlier, i parked my car at another block so i had to walk. did me some good. i think i shall practise that from now on.
i have to be positive, think positive … and not just to accept things as they are.
being sick and all alone is really no fun. heheh.
i googled positive thinking because … i feel like, lately, i hv been rather negative.
i expected to put on weight … and i have.
i was just thinking that maybe, i should park my car (well, my loaned car) a little further away, and walk to the office. like i used to do when i was taking the bus. yeah. i think i’ll start doing that today … eventhough i’m kinda sick!
my boyfriend used to make me this wonderful spiced tea when i was sick in malaysia. i guess i also miss the hugs. i know it’s not very islamic … but touching is good for overall health, and that is why we should get married ASAP!!!
heheheh.
i was about to perform my zuhur prayers, and in the third rakaat, heard the azan for asar. great. well, it’s my fault. i’m such a procrastinator!
my forehead feels warm. and now im sleepy again.
last night, my temperature was really high. well, i don’t know how much coz i don’t hv a thermometre … but i could feel my skin burning up, really hot. and terrible muscle ache. not to mention the wheezing in my chest. but i kinda willed myself to get better. just slept and slept and slept. woke up fever almost gone. took a long hot shower. some honey lemon lozenges, drank water. now a bit better, but sneezing and runny nose.
in malaysia, i don’t really hv to go to the doctor, just get sinusoidin at the pharmacy. maybe i should do that here. ask for something. any antihistamine will do. i’m just feeling sooooooooo weak.
the temptation to go back to sleep is great. not becoz im sleepy, but am feeling lethargic.
what’s going on?
today i woke up at 9.30am … i thought i had been sleeping until 4pm … seemed soooo long, i was dreaming stuff that tired me. also, i woke up kinda sick. like wheezing in my throat/chest.
i don’t know what’s going on. but i do know im not well and im overweight.
so, i went to get some groceries … bought wholemeal pitta, eggs … there were no salad. so i bought pesto sauce. dried berries to eat with quaker oats. and some kueh.
i have a feeling that it’s coz i have been going home late. i had to send my colleague home these past few nights. and when i got home … i couldn’t sleep … so i stayed up. and hence, i wake up late. it’s a vicious cycle.
i know i need to exercise, but before i get into any exercise programme … i need to lose a few kilos.
sigh.
i wonder whether it’s also psychological. i have been having mixed feelings about my bf lately. maybe i should just think positive. not about the relationship. but just generally.
adit has come to his senses. i’m glad this didn’t take too long. men/boys can be really foolish. but the funny thing he said in this episode it ‘cimat’ .. lololol … short for ‘cinta mati’. only the indonesians can come up with this combining of words. it’s cute but hilarious as well.
woke up with a sore throat.
feels like i hv lost the motivation to continue loving my boyfriend.
why? hmmm … i think it’s coz i have a feeling that he doesn’t love me strongly enough to be with me in the true sense of the word. like, it’s an experiment. let’s see how it goes.
i don’t want to see how it goes. i want to build on it.
now i lack the enthusiasm to see him, spend time with him.
thinking about my malaysian break … i would rather work on my apartment, write at a cafe, play with my nieces … then spend time with him … becoz what’s the point of spending time with someone who is not really serious about you?
he’s been with me long enough to know how he feels about me, and how i feel about him. he doesn’t need anymore you-and-me time. what he needs to do is decide is it worth spending quality time with me now and in the future because we are laying the foundation for our future.
i’m not desperate, i’m bored with the status quo.
at least i want to be engaged, evern informally … so that i know, i’m the only one he wants to be with for the rest of his life.
it’s not about whether i hv the capacity to wait another 3 or 4 years. it’s whether, while waiting, am i going to love him more, or i will … i won’t say hate, but just not think much of him, and start looking elsewhere for love … i don’t want to be in a relationship that’s not sacred.
i’m tired of it. i’m tired of his stand on non-commitment.
i just … i’m tired.
my tears are falling as i write this. i didn’t expect it to. i started off feeling dispassionate.
i guess, i just want to start a whole new chapter in my life. a chapter with hope and beautiful things. by beautiful things, i mean real love, my parents’ blessings … not pussyfooting around. everyone happy for me and him.
i just don’t see the reason anymore to be where we are at now. coz it makes a lot of people unhappy — including us. and i just don’t see the reason why i need to fight for him, when he’s not fighting for me.
no reason.
you may think it’s all in my head. that i’m alone in my room and i make up all sort of reasons to break up.
no — you are wrong. it doesn’t just come suddenly. but when i was seeing him everyday, i guess i just didn’t have the space to consider this.
but now i do. it’s like running a relay and the guy, your partner, your teamate is running beside you but do not want to pass you the baton. what’s the point, right?
had another all nighter with my bf last night. it was great but i ended up feeling sad. talking about relationships again.
my bf is still not ready to go where i want to go, and i am slowly finding that it’s ok if he doesn’t coz that means we are not meant to be together … so, i shouldn’t put my hopes on him too much. in fact, i don’t … not anymore. and i’m opening my heart bit by bit to the possibility that there might be someone else out there.
i told him, if you believe in a relationship, you have to fight for it. if you don’t, and you feel like you just want to wait and see … that means, that relationship is not important enough in your scheme of things … and therefore, it’s very likely that the relationship will not be able to sustain itself as the ties that binds two people are not strong enough to weather the onslaught that will definitely come its way.
my bf, at the moment, is still thinking of himself, his survival …
to love honestly, you have to get out of yourself and be willing to sacrifice for the other person, for the relationship … if not, your real partner is yourself.
