i am an Aquarian born in 1973, the Chinese year of the Ox. i have had other blogs (which i have hardly updated) but none as honest as this … except of course, i have to use a pseudonym coz i have to protect the identities of whom i shall be talking about … and therefore, i am not being a chickenpoo, but i am not famous (yet) like angelina jolie who can afford to have the world know how messed up their lives have been because their parents are dead famous and lead lives that are open to public scrutiny. as my loved ones lead relatively normal lives, i can’t afford to expose them to notoreity as they will never forgive me … ever.

incidentally, when i was 19, in anger and frustration, i wrote (again using a pseudonym) an article on how i felt like i didn’t live up to my parents expectations and my hope for the future, etc, printed it, put it in an envelope and sent it to the editor of the NST (New Straits Times) … and when i was safely in england (and could not be subject to interrogation), the article was published, and the paper sent my cheque with copy of article attached to my parents’ house. they opened it (thinking that as i was overseas, they have the absolute right to open my mail) and was a bit miffed, to say the least, at my revelations … the interesting thing was … my dad was proud that i was published (he had always wanted to be a published writer) but my mum was sooo hurt that our family problems (or rather my problems with them) was published for the whole world (well, actually, just malaysia) to read … but see, i used a pseudonym, so whose to know except me and the staff of the NST? so, anyway, back to blogging … who’s to know except me and wordpress or any person clever enough to uncover my real identity? but then again, who’d bother? i’m not important … yet.

i remember when i was seeing a counsellor/therapist ten years ago … i’d told him … i can’t do anything stupid coz i might become someone famous someday and i don’t want these stupid stories to jeopardize my reputation. but guess what … ten years on … i’m still nobody and i have done so many stoooopid things that i am terribly ashamed of, and if i do become famous someday, well … i should just smile graciously (and beguilingly) like angelina jolie and blame my parents and the foolishness of youth. haha.