i know i am in total deep shit when my water was cut about two weeks ago because i had not been paying maintenance fees for almost two years.

i know i am a terrible person but i never intended not to pay … i just somehow didn’t. i was always short of money and most of the time, a week after getting my salary and paying bills and loans, i’ve only got just enough to live on. and i had to make sure i have enough money to get to work.

i am not making excuses. i am just totally deep in financial muck, that i don’t know how to get out of it.

of course, i’m grateful that the management office takes care of the condo (although actually i don’t really like the new management compared to the previous management for various reasons which i shan’t get into here).

i read somewhere that the maintenance office cannot cut off water as it’s a basic necessity enshrined somewhere (maybe a UN charter)? so what they’re doing is not legal but i’m hardly in a position to protest. i just want to get a job and pay if off by instalments as there is absolutely NO WAY that i can afford to pay it in one lump sum.

so, what i did was get two huge plastic bins (like the ones people use as a rubbish bin) and two huge 8 kilo water canisters. i had initially wanted to get the 4 kilo ones but my bf said to just get the 8 kilo ones coz he would help me carry it. haha. i will not listen to his suggestions again coz he only helped me once and then we got into a fight coz i made some comment about him waking up late or something like that. WHATEVER! so i’ve decided to handle my water crisis myself.

honestly, if you – like me – are terrible at paying monthly bills … don’t live in a condo. there are so many fees that you sometimes have no idea what for including a ’sinking fund’ … what is that? as i have not been paying my maintenance fees … i was not eligible to attend/vote at the residents/management meeting. so, i don’t know what is being done or not being done.

i wonder whether there is something wrong with me that i cannot sort out my life. i’m sure there is. i can trace it back to 1997 when the economic recession happened to southeast asia. i was ecstatically happy that i graduated with a second class upper. than they tell me that they can’t continue to sponsor my postgraduate education. i had planned to stay and work in england coz that was where i was happiest. in malaysia, i am just a loser, sort of. had lots of fights with my parents, can’t fit in … totally not happy. although i got a lot of job offers, but i made lousy choices in terms of career and personal life. i just kept making one mistake after another. and ten years on … i’m stuck in a rut. maybe of my own making. but what happened? why couldn’t i swim to the surface?