finished watching my season 3 marathon of house. well, actually i’m not done, but i don’t hv the rest of the dvds. hv only watched up to season 12, one day, one room. made my cry – again. when i first started watching house, i opted to watch season 3 first. then, backtrack from there.

anyway, now i’m done, i can fold my clothes that’s piled up on one half of my bed.

the room smells of toast and butter. rye toast to be exact. bought rye bread from mum’s bakery yesterday. didn’t know wht to expect … but it’s delicious! it’s soft inside and slightly cruncy outside. and the smell is heavenly! unfortunately, my burger patties got burnt. left it too long on the stove. but i ate them anyway: three burnt patties. u can’t waste food. unless you’re really full and might vomit if you stuff yourself further.

anyway, back to house. i love actress Kathryn Winnick potrayal of the rape victim. she was vulnerable, yet strong. i hope she goes places in hollywood.

i don’t know what’s wrong with me. it’s like waiting for the other shoe to drop. i can’t do anything except vegetate. watch house, blog … sigh.

i dunno whether i’m depressed. maybe i am. no more than usual. am not married. no kids. no stable career. nothing to call my own. debts.

no wonder i’m depressed.

i love it when house and his patient (the rape victim) talked by the lake. that’s what i miss about the UK … the green parks. you can sit on the grass, take a breather. even it the middle of the suburbs, there’s huge parks. some of course part of older manor grounds. i miss that. in msia or even in brunei … basically, in a tropical country, there’s no way u can sit for too long on the grass in a park. one, it gets hot. two, the grass is prob full of kerengge … huge red ants. not to mention the mud. rains a lot and it gets muddy.

i miss the changing of the seasons. hot chocolates in winter, walks in the park in spring and summer, the colours of autumn. i miss all that. it makes me feel like there’s always change, sthing to look forward to. life is not stagnant.

here … it’s … there’s no obvious change in the weather, cept for rain or hot. heavy rain, drizzling … then the heat. hot, hotter or very hot.

stimes, i feel like i am ready to explode.

i need to have a rhythm. some kind of constant.

and i miss talking about things that are theoretical. talking about ideas.  just talking with someone that matters, being open … not having to hide my feelings, my vulnerability, my aspirations … or how i’m such a loser.

i need some kind of connection. i need to see a shrink.