it’s always about money

money will always be an issue between my bf and i. sometimes it’s not the main issue, but it becomes an issue. i thought being apart would lessen our arguments. but this doesn’t seem to be the case.

i called him earlier, thinking that we could have a nice chat. so i asked him what he did today since it’s his off day and he was kinda listless … then i asked whether he had arranged for his mother to go to the tailor. i had given him some money to make some baju kurung for his mum coz she had these fabric but she hadn’t gotten around to having it made. so i’d given him the money to get it done … kinda like a birthday present for his mum.

so i asked him about it, and he said he hadn’t done it. and it’s been three weeks. i asked him does she know that you’re gonna pay for it. he said no. i’m thinking what the heck. of course she wouldn’t have gone to the tailors at his suggestion unless he tells her that he will pay for it. coz the reason she hadn’t sent it earlier was coz she was short of money. i was kinda like … what? why didn’t you tell her? she had wanted to make a new dress for a relative’s wedding and it’s not that far off, what with eid coming up … the tailor might not be able to complete the dress in time.

then, my bf got annoyed/irritated … and he said can we talk about something else and the way he says it and how he says it and what he said after that was just designed to hurt me. deliberately. and i said, if you don’t feel like talking to me, tell me … and when he didn’t answer, i said if you don’t want to talk, then i will call another time. and he said ok. so i put down the phone. and cried.

honestly, it makes me feel like … what’s the point.

before that, i asked him has he gotten his salary yet. and he said of course not. so i said, no wonder.

it’s always like that. when he is short of money, and hasn’t gotten his salary and if i happen to be there or i happen to want to talk to him, not knowing that he’s frustrated about not having money, i will get hurt. he will be curt, snappy.

it’s always like that. and i’m thinking, is he going to be like this forever? will having lots of money make him happy?

the fact is, whether you have money or not … it shouldn’t be the determinant for how you treat other people.

i’m just sick of it.

just when i feel like we have a future, we are both in this for the long haul … he makes me feel like he’s not worth it.

i’m just sad.

then he sends me a text message, saying that he’s just exhausted and he doesn’t know why.

that’s basically, his standard answer. he’s exhausted. he doesn’t know why he’s exhausted.

oh, whatever.