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woke up with a sore throat.
feels like i hv lost the motivation to continue loving my boyfriend.
why? hmmm … i think it’s coz i have a feeling that he doesn’t love me strongly enough to be with me in the true sense of the word. like, it’s an experiment. let’s see how it goes.
i don’t want to see how it goes. i want to build on it.
now i lack the enthusiasm to see him, spend time with him.
thinking about my malaysian break … i would rather work on my apartment, write at a cafe, play with my nieces … then spend time with him … becoz what’s the point of spending time with someone who is not really serious about you?
he’s been with me long enough to know how he feels about me, and how i feel about him. he doesn’t need anymore you-and-me time. what he needs to do is decide is it worth spending quality time with me now and in the future because we are laying the foundation for our future.
i’m not desperate, i’m bored with the status quo.
at least i want to be engaged, evern informally … so that i know, i’m the only one he wants to be with for the rest of his life.
it’s not about whether i hv the capacity to wait another 3 or 4 years. it’s whether, while waiting, am i going to love him more, or i will … i won’t say hate, but just not think much of him, and start looking elsewhere for love … i don’t want to be in a relationship that’s not sacred.
i’m tired of it. i’m tired of his stand on non-commitment.
i just … i’m tired.
my tears are falling as i write this. i didn’t expect it to. i started off feeling dispassionate.
i guess, i just want to start a whole new chapter in my life. a chapter with hope and beautiful things. by beautiful things, i mean real love, my parents’ blessings … not pussyfooting around. everyone happy for me and him.
i just don’t see the reason anymore to be where we are at now. coz it makes a lot of people unhappy — including us. and i just don’t see the reason why i need to fight for him, when he’s not fighting for me.
no reason.
you may think it’s all in my head. that i’m alone in my room and i make up all sort of reasons to break up.
no — you are wrong. it doesn’t just come suddenly. but when i was seeing him everyday, i guess i just didn’t have the space to consider this.
but now i do. it’s like running a relay and the guy, your partner, your teamate is running beside you but do not want to pass you the baton. what’s the point, right?
stumbled across this guy’s blog. his name is Raja Zulhilmi. at first i wasn’t really interested coz he was using a lot o F words and his english is tunggang-terbalik. but after reading it through, i have to accord him due respect, because he is passionate, he speaks from his heart, he has beliefs!
he posted this stuff on being a typical ‘Malay’, also what non-malays think of malays …Fenomena Normal:
sebelum saya memulakan topic perbicaraan saya, izinkan saya mempamerkan sesuatu buat tatapan orang Melayu.
1.You MALAY call each other ‘BODOH’ for fun, and too ‘BODOH’ to realize it’s an offensive word.
2.You’re the LAZIEST person on God’s earth.
3.Always update with “lagu-lagu A-minor”, “lagu-lagu rindu” and “wayang hindustani”.
4.Always give a very long honorable speech start from Duli Yang Maha Mulia, Tan Sri, Puan Sri, YB-YB, Yang Berbahagia Datuk, Datuk-Datuk, Datin-Datin, Tuan Haji, Tuan Pengerusi Majlis.. and last sometime least….”rakyat jelata” sekalian…….”terlebih dahulu saya ingin membuka majlis dengan asalamualaikuwaramatulahiwabarakatu……”
5.Many Malay ended at “pusat pemulihan dadah” for common drug abuse.
6.”Air sirap” is the cheapest drink you can afford.
7.You like to tease and act perverted when someone with sexual appeal passing by.
8.You self proclaimed from a superior race (Arabs).
9. You love to eat, especially FREE FOOD.
10. Malay favorite quote = REZEKI JANGAN DI TOLAK.
11.Malay least favorite word = JANJI MELAYU.
12.Your girls got a mouthful of chicken’s ass (loud mouths).
13.You can’t stand it and always keep on staring at someone who is better dressing / looking rather than your back-dated looks.
14.You wear your shirt more than 4 times before wash it.
15. You feel it’s not right to eat first before everybody gets their meal (while your meal is getting cold).
16.You got that annoying habit of wanting people to acknowledge you.
17.You know for the fact that you are superstitious (bomohs and dukuns).
18.You know for the fact that Malay jokes are decently lame and you always force yourself to laugh when other Malay joker telling their lame jokes.
19. You always try to take advantage on other people work.
20. You are trained to be a sweet talker.
21. You love to offer drinks to your boss while polishing his shoe.
22. You always pick on juniors.
23. You don’t care if everyone in your class/office knows for the fact that you are lazy.
24. You are very protective on your seniority.
25. You are quite a slow thinker.
26. You prefer to borrow people’s stuff rather than buy it, but hardly return it back.
27. You also always use other’s property without asking permission.
28. Many of you are not sincere when making friend with non-malays.
29. You always waste your time in the public phone talking about “janji-janji manis”,”omong- omong kosong”, “aku hidup dalam blues”, “Hindi superstar” and “cinta-sayang”. (These are direct quotes…)
30. Malay most popular ambition… * to the public = “ingin menjadi seorang insan yang berguna” * in reality = to be a clerk, despatch, factory worker .
31. Gossip is number 1 favorite past time.
32. Malay favorite magazine are URTV, Mangga, Jelita, Remaja and Variasari.
33. Mark as “bangsa pendengki” by other race in Malaysia.
34. When someone giving a speech, a Malay usually will nod their head (kepala terangguk-angguk) not to show that they understand, but just simply to act that they understand in a serious manner.
35. Deep in the eyes of Malay, the meaning of “TERSIPU-SIPU BAHASA” and “MALU-MALU KUCING” are….. * GREAT APPETITE WITH A VENGEANCE.
36. Malay got fewer friends from other races because… * Malay is too proud of their own language which makes them stuck-up * Malay also ignores that other ethnic groups and foreign people are willing to learn to speak in Malay while got other knowledge in other language. (So now you know why this email is written in ENGLISH)
37. In Malaysia, people said “wear condom and don’t forget to take a bath with Dettol if you make love to Malay”.
38. An example of a Malay with good grades =STRAIGHT C-MINUS
39. A Malay boss are known as
* intimidating his staff
* Sexual harassing & Blackmailing
* Welcome more family member and friends to join the company
* Corruption
* Always bring company’s item home for personal use.
40. Malay, as the biggest population in Malaysia, are always feels threatened with the minority Christian in the country.
41. Malay chicks always dream to have sex with White Man but always ended get f*ck by their own species. (I’m sorry if this offended you, but it was a promise)
42. Most babies found in the bushes and dustbins are Malay.
43. Most adultery/incest cases are by Malay.
44. Most divorce cases are by Malay couple.
45. Most yuppie wannabes are Malay.
46. Malay man got the habit using sink/wash hand area to rinse and wash their penis mostly in their bathroom, hostel and also in the public toilet.
47. Malay love to make fun at people who use toilet paper to wipe ass because they love to touch their sh*t with their hand.
48. Malay knows that other races could not dare to eat Malay food not because of the spices but because the food was process by their ass-wiping-hand.
49. Malay use toilet paper in Malay restaurant / food court / warung to wipe customer’s mouth and hand.
50. A typical Malay Ready-to-wear…..
* a long, torn jeans,
* a T-shirt
* a pair of loafers
51. Malays can’t live without rice and chili.
52. A Malay who checks in a foreign hotel will cook their food inside the hotel room with water boiler and a portable mini cooker to save cost.
52. Malay knows their favorite fast food……KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN hot and spicy.
53. Malay will eat fried chicken and burger just like in the manner of eating rice with hand “one hand lean on the table, slouching head to the plate and other hand with finger close to each other to enter mouth”.
54. Malay toilet always smells like “petai”.
55. Malay love to remind people to have their morning shower but they themselves always ended up having a BO in the afternoon. (BO=body-odour)
56. Backstabbing is Malay greatest asset.
57. cheating in examination or test are heredity.
58. Malay favorite brand are G.A Blue Jeans, Lady-like Jeans, a fake Ray-ban.
59. Upper class Malay favorite brand are the cheapest Versace t-shirt, Marlboro Classic sometimes fake sometimes not jeans, an old fashion (Erik Estrada CHIPS) Ray-Ban glasses and a discount sales Mark and Spencer.
60. Weekend is racing paradise for “Mat Motor”.
61. Malay never learns to accept people’s opinion as a guide or challenge.
62. You feel that you had to support Moslem terrorist just because their are Islam and not because their are a serial killers.
63. Malay favorite living c.. BIAR PERUT KOSONG ASALKAN RUMAH CANTIK MACAM ISTANA.
64. The only musical instrument you can play is a GITAR KAPOK.
65. You Malay will pretend to ignore and deny that you are typical.
66. You MALAYS dreaming to become rich, but not by hard working or studying BUT with ALL KINDS OF SKIM CEPAT KAYA and STUPID MULTI-LEVEL MARKETING BUSINESS.
67. Don’t have money but always want to action – buying cars like Waja, Wira and other expensive cars while you know you can only afford a KAPCAI.
68. Parents very rich but still go overseas using government scholarship. Go overseas to enjoy and not to study.
Inilah apa yang orang Cina fikir dan cakap pasal orang Melayu. Fikirkanlah.
Hidup di Malaysia yang majoritinya bangsa sendiri dan bangsa lain boleh memperkatakan apa-apa yang mereka suka membuatkan saya marah dan terkilan. Saya berbelah bagi dengan ’statement’ di atas. Ianya 50/50.
Ianya berkait rapat dengan fenomena normal yang saya sebutkan di atas.
Sekarang kita dapat perhatikan, anak-anak Melayu kita yang lebih selesa memasuki dunia hiburan dengan menjadi artis, pelakon dan sebagainya daripada belajar dan memasuki university untuk menjadi ahli falsafah, cendikiawan dan sasterawan.
Ini dapat kita lihat dengan munculnya pelbagai program realiti tv yang kini mendapat sambutan hangat dari semua pihak terutamanya kaum Melayu. Titisan air mata yang sepatutnya ditangisi demi Tuhan yang maha agung dibazirkan hasil dari rancangan tersebut. Beribu ringgit dilaburkan untuk menyokong artis kesayangan dan masa dihabiskan dengan duduk di hadapan tv atau pergi ke konsert setiap minggu semata-mata untuk menatap ‘live’ artis pujaan hati.
Wanita Melayu kalau nak senang? Pakai pakaian menjolok mata, tunjuk benda yang tak sepatutnya ditunjuk dan buat perangai tak senonoh. Senang dapat perhatian. Publisiti murahan. Bukti paling senang, lihat sahaja MySpace dan Facebook.
Tidakkah terasa pedih di hati apabila bangsa lain mengutuk sesuka hati. Jangan mengutuk dan salahkan Cina kehidupan mereka kaya-raya. Jangan pandang rendah bangsa lain. Jangan ‘racist’ tak bertempat!
Sampai Raja kita pun dihina!
Zaman persekolah saya penuh dengan campuran bangsa. Tidak kira warna kulit atau bahasa, pergaulan yang luas telah saya alami. Tiada perbezaan. Semuanya satu hati. Apabila saya masuk ke alam universiti yang bangsanya majoriti Melayu, perbezaan yang amat ketara dapat saya lihat apabila Melayu itu sendiri dibeza-bezakan.
Bercakap soal agama, tak usah disoal. Serba-serbi tahu. Ustaz ustazah di mana-mana. Soal mempraktikkannya, yang betul jadi salah, yang haram jadi halal dan sebaliknya.
Inilah yang terjadi apabila “typical Malay” menjadi majoriti.
i don’t know what it is about me these days … but i despair easily. or maybe i’ve always been this way?
i don’t know.
but it’s not good to be like this.
i watched safira this afternoon … on tv, not on youtube. but i couldn’t really relax, bcoz i was expecting the guy-mate to appear or even my girl-mate. then i can’t concentrate and would have to make small talk.
anyway, bcoz one of the guy-mates came home for lunch, and i didn’t know whether he had gone back to work, i wore my scarf. and of course, that’s the main reason i couldn’t relax.
anyway, feel slightly sluggish … tired. i wonder if i’m getting my period soon. should be about this time. maybe this is also the cause for my despondence?
hmmm.
i do miss walking though. maybe this weekend i should go to bukit shahbandar. just me, alone. to explore.
if okay, next time i can ask my cousins or friends/colleagues.
i guess the other reason for my tiredness is thinking that i have to burn the midnight oil tonight to do my assignment. it’s an unfinished project from my previous company. looooong story.
anyway. just makes me feel tired that i have unfinished business.
oh, well.
okay, i know what i can do. CLEAN UP! that always makes me feel good. but not now.
maybe later. heheheheh.
it has been the craziest most awful month for me. had to move house and the movin’ process was really killing me. am now renting a room on the top floor of a walk-up apartment. groaan. okay, it’s only 3 floors, but feels like 5. from a serviced apartment to a walkup flat. hmmm … i’m really movin’ on up! VERTICALLY and PHYSICALLY. if i don’t get toned legs out of this, sigh … i’m gonna be really disappointed!
anyway, have finally moved my bike to this place. singlehandedly stuffed the bike into my friend’s car. amazing. it fits nicely!
this car which im kinda renting from my friend is really a character. she must have bought it from a guy. the aircon’s busted, so most of the time i feel like i’m in a sauna. but the great thing is the DVD touch screen player! whooooaaa, feels like i’m pimpin’ … oh yeah, oh yeah!
and i’ve discovered that there’s a natasha bedingfield video on one of the dvds. coool. my favourite artiste. i love that song, Unwritten. i can listen to it again and again.
on another sadder note … my bf told me his brother is getting engaged yesterday. i don’t why he only told me last minute. prob to him it’s not important that i know. but i got really upset … with him – about US!!
i went on a text messaging tirade. like how im tired of this relationship, and he’d better do something, ie we’d better progress the next time i come home. i want to go to the next level. i want to be engaged. if he’s still in his “i don’t know where this relationship is going” … duh! then, he’s gonna lose me. i’m not kidding. after five years, he should know whether he wants me or not in his life. if he still doesn’t know, then … sayonara.
i’m serious.
the past week has been bad, like i said. i just feel so down about everything … abt being in a dead end job, about having to move, about being here, about not being married, about not having a LIFE!!
plus, i haven’t been praying. the room had been in such a MESS, that i couldn’t find my qiblah compass (or i wasn’t looking hard enough) that i just didn’t get around to praying, except at the office. and i felt really disorientated and heavy because of this. the time i actually got to pray, i felt such a relief. now, i feel God is truly the One who listens.
last night i was so miserable, i think i went to sleep crying. then, i had a dream. my research proposal or project or something like that, was accepted by the swedish embassy (i don’t know why swedish) and i felt so good about myself, i felt that now im sooo raring to go.
when i woke up, i realised that i do have something to give, i do have something to do.
so today, i went around settling some stuff. bought some things to make my life here a bit better, so that i can concentrate on my work.
oh … and a girl’s next best thing … RETAIL THERAPY!!!
i went to explore the city in the sauna on wheels, and found the way to Plaza Athirah, and of course … heheh … bought some kain (fabric), for my aunts. so now i have enough already for everyone. well, except my other aunt, but i don’t think im gonna give her anything. she’s got rich kids. hahahahhaha.
i bought a little kettle for my room coz i’m just too lazy to go all the way to the kitchen to make my green tea.
i find that the way i can create is to be pure. even the food i take. by pure i mean, not organic etc … coz hey, they are too expensive. but not to eat too much rice and meat.
so, today, i stocked up on tuna spreads so i can eat with crackers while im working. and also, some ginger tea to give me that boost. and bought wholemeal linguini and pesto to eat with tuna in oil. i just want to eat simple stuff.
hopefully things will get better.
i know that i will only feel on top of things when reading and writing and doing research … generally making the wheels turn, etc.
Insyallah, things will be better.
it’s so … interesting … that the other day, i felt so grateful for the food that i ate, and I really thanked God for His bounty, his rezeki.
amin.
finished watching my season 3 marathon of house. well, actually i’m not done, but i don’t hv the rest of the dvds. hv only watched up to season 12, one day, one room. made my cry – again. when i first started watching house, i opted to watch season 3 first. then, backtrack from there.
anyway, now i’m done, i can fold my clothes that’s piled up on one half of my bed.
the room smells of toast and butter. rye toast to be exact. bought rye bread from mum’s bakery yesterday. didn’t know wht to expect … but it’s delicious! it’s soft inside and slightly cruncy outside. and the smell is heavenly! unfortunately, my burger patties got burnt. left it too long on the stove. but i ate them anyway: three burnt patties. u can’t waste food. unless you’re really full and might vomit if you stuff yourself further.
anyway, back to house. i love actress Kathryn Winnick potrayal of the rape victim. she was vulnerable, yet strong. i hope she goes places in hollywood.
i don’t know what’s wrong with me. it’s like waiting for the other shoe to drop. i can’t do anything except vegetate. watch house, blog … sigh.
i dunno whether i’m depressed. maybe i am. no more than usual. am not married. no kids. no stable career. nothing to call my own. debts.
no wonder i’m depressed.
i love it when house and his patient (the rape victim) talked by the lake. that’s what i miss about the UK … the green parks. you can sit on the grass, take a breather. even it the middle of the suburbs, there’s huge parks. some of course part of older manor grounds. i miss that. in msia or even in brunei … basically, in a tropical country, there’s no way u can sit for too long on the grass in a park. one, it gets hot. two, the grass is prob full of kerengge … huge red ants. not to mention the mud. rains a lot and it gets muddy.
i miss the changing of the seasons. hot chocolates in winter, walks in the park in spring and summer, the colours of autumn. i miss all that. it makes me feel like there’s always change, sthing to look forward to. life is not stagnant.
here … it’s … there’s no obvious change in the weather, cept for rain or hot. heavy rain, drizzling … then the heat. hot, hotter or very hot.
stimes, i feel like i am ready to explode.
i need to have a rhythm. some kind of constant.
and i miss talking about things that are theoretical. talking about ideas. just talking with someone that matters, being open … not having to hide my feelings, my vulnerability, my aspirations … or how i’m such a loser.
i need some kind of connection. i need to see a shrink.
i am watching privileged. that series abt two rich brats and their tutor living in palm springs. i love it. reminds me of gilmore girls, which i used to watch but then it got boring when mama lorelei got together with the cafe guy.and i think that will/megan hookup is ‘totally hot’. will has this very restrained sexuality. i’d like to believe he’s like that in real life. oh, well. sigh.
one of my close friends have moved into a whole new sphere, accepting a partnership complete with luxury company car. at 36, she’s achieved so much more than i have. she’s happy, content … even though she’s single right now. honestly, i am rather envious. not just a little envious. but a lot envious. eventhough, i am in a relationship, and she is not … well, at least she’s got her cat living with her. my bf and i are separated by the South China Sea. plus, it’s not like our relationship is progressing anyway. but actually, if i am totally honest … it is progressing slightly in terms of i dunno … it’s just sthing very subtle. more effort. more trust. i guess. it’s true wht they say … absence does make the heart grow fonder.
and distance … actually gives me more time to agonise about my future/career.
stimes, i feel like i need to see a psychiatrist/counsellor … coz i’m just really confused and anxious. i am in a job that doesn’t challenge my IQ. and i feel like i’m a loser coz i’m not paid as much as i am supposed to be paid.
and thing is … at the moment, i am not that happy abt this job. abt being here. i won’t go into the details but lets’ just say … it’s time to look for another job. sigh.
it has been a more or less difficult day coz i hv the cold, my mind is sluggish … and i didn’t hv time to go to the doctor’s. so i was a bit slow at my work.
but the good news is … i managed to book a flight on MAS to KL with my new VISA card!
i hv been in credit card debts before a few years ago. but i’ve learned my lesson. i am not as reckless as before. i am only going to use this credit card for airline bookings and online purchases esp books at amazon.com.
was tempted to buy a handphone but i think i’ll wait. maybe will get it in KL. if it’s really necessary. i mean, now that i have a mobile modem, a PDA phone doesn’t seem too important.
anyway, my body feels achy. just want to sleep but i hvnt performed solat isya’ … i have been missing solat isya’ for weeks! and not to mention subuh (solat fajar). maybe that’s why i hv been having a trying time. not performing all five daily prayers.
incidentally, today i discovered a junior colleague of mine felt demoralised and she felt like resigning. and also, another colleague actually resigned because she felt insulted, i guess, that her work wasn’t thought to be up to par. this is ridiculous because she is one of the best we have. but i guess people are quite sensitive in this company. maybe bcoz the management make decisions on a whim, without any concrete reasons that people feel as if they’re like pawns on a chess board.
this was actually written earlier in october 2008. i had saved it as a draft. i had forgotten about it. but i think it should be posted. it just reminded me how difficult my relationship with my boyfriend can be.
—
October 2008 – post Eid
just got back in pj. was in johore for the eid holidays.
got a bit upset with the boyfriend. he called me from work, he’d just finish. i’d just got home. then he invited me out. maybe we could bring his niece, go watch a movie or something. a treat for her. i said ok. i remember i said whether we were gonna hv enough time coz it’s already 8pm and he’d hv to go picke her up before picking me up, etc. he said enough time, coz he’s gonna come straight after work. we’d hv dinner together. i said maybe we shld go where there’s a play area so that the niece wont get bored. he suggested a movie. so i went to check. then about nine i called him, thinking he was already home to pick up his niece. it seems he was hving dinner at work with his colleagues. and he’d leave after that. then, i got kind of confused. i thot he was gonna rush over and we’d hv dinner together. i dont get it. he said i got it wrong. he said he was gonna come over after he’s had his dinner. then isaid, why is it that i keep misunderstanding or hearing the wrong things these days. i know what i heard! i really dont understand it!
so he said he was gonna come over when he’s finished his dinner. and i got really irritated. i mean, why in the first place did he suggest taking out his niece if he knew he was gonna be late. the kid shouldnt be out so late. we shouldnt make it a practice. i dont understand wht hes thinking.
but then again, he probably thinks im making a big deal out of nothing.
i dunno.
then i thought … is this what it’s like post-ramadhan? im beginning to miss the fasting month even though i didnt exactly go to the mosque for terawih prayers and all. im missing the peace. the lack … i mean the reduction in inner turmoil.
one of my aunts recently said i have ’sakat’ … apparently a minor satan/devil whatever you call it … that doesnt like it when im successful, holding me back from praying, etc, etc … im still trying to get my head around it. i know im just not very ‘good’ but im not that bad either. and i know – throught the 3 hr ride back home – i know that my life has been in limbo for the past seven years due to some really bad choices. one of them dropping out of grad school.
so i hv been flitting from job to job, not daring to make a commitment, everything unsatisfactory … even though most of the time i am exceedingly good at what i do.
i better go take a bath. he might arrive soon.
i dunno why back in pj/kl soil, i am already feeling negative, irritated, impatient.
doesnt help that ive put on weight instead of losing weight over the fasting month. i didnt check on a scale but i think its true. and maybe its pms. sigh.
believe it or not, it’s 2009 … march 2009. so much has happened since my last post. i am now in another country. okay, it’s not so far. just over the south china sea.
i am in brunei. have been living here for a few months now. this is not, i repeat, not a sabbatical. LOLOL!
i’ve got a job. it’s not the best job in the world, but it’s ok. although the office politics is kind of vicious. anyway, i’m here just to save money but it doesn’t seem like i’m saving much. for example, today i bought a mobile modem. so that i can get online at home, of course. cost me a bomb! i mean it. $300 just for the modem. argh. crazy.
but i guess, it’s something i cannot avoid. i have spent weeks contemplating this purchase. and well, after trying it out for an hour now, it’s not bad, really. reception is quite good. all i do is surf and write anyway.
anyway, how did i get here?
i can hardly believe it myself. applied over the internet. got the interview. aced the interview. well, maybe i wasn’t really their first choice, but i guess i was cheap. i’m making lots more than what i was making in Malaysia anyhow.
but it’s really tough. the loneliness. missing my nieces … and sometimes, my boyfriend. miss being in damansara perdana. miss hanging out at borders. miss being able to just pop down to the mamak for a capati/roti canai and a teh tarik. miss my bonsai. miss lots of things.
brunei is peaceful. i don’t have to worry about getting mugged, snatch theft, that sorta thing. but it’s … well … it’s not like london, that’s for sure! so, that’s what i’m working on now. to save some money to go back to school.
anyway, they’ve put me up in an apartment … it’s nice but i’m sharing. which is … not so nice. i mean, my housemate is ok, although she smokes (i wish she wouldn’t) … but it’s nothing like having your own place. i miss my apartment in damansara perdana. i miss it terribly. now that it’s got water. HAHHAHAHA. how did i survive not having water last year. it’s crazy.
but yeah. that’s my crazy pathetic life.
that’s the thing. life is a roller coaster. sometimes you’re up, sometimes you’re down. and sometimes when you think you’re up, some invisible fingers are dragging you down, down, down … okay, that’s really bad prose!
actually, i’m kinda miserable. the office is not as great as it was a few weeks ago. but i can’t let things affect me, although i think it is … now i have the flu/cold* …
just don’t feel like going to work … but i have to.
i’m thinking of going to work early tomorrow. do the pages as early as possible. then go home.
well, now that i don’t have the pleasure of that korean series to look forward to; i can concentrate on work. haha.
okay, i was never that into these korean drama series, you know. until i saw JUMONG. and oh wow. i was hooked! then … Prince Hours. okay, that was cute.
looks like i have to get my own DVD player now.
which leads me to buying branded goods.
okay, i bought an el cheapo vacuum cleaner within the first two weeks i got here. and now, i don’t know how. the hose is now rendered useless. also, my stupid el cheapo blender which i bought at Hua Ho is also a disappointment. but it’s my fault coz i didn’t check when the guy was testing it. but he’s the salesman! how could he not notice that the mill (two of them) grinder thing had this horrible grease stuff that i couldn’t remove. had to throw them out. so i’ve learned my lesson. don’t buy cheap stuff!
and the thing is … my house has not been vacuumed in three weeks, and i really need to get a new vacuum cleaner. but i don’t have a car.
and i don’t know when i can go and buy one. argh again.
okay, enough moaning and groaning. whoever happens to read this blog … i’m sorry for you. like it said down and out …
but you know … you might be able to find some real gems in here. after i’m done moaning and groaning.
gotta go.
p/s: i want to start blogging in earnest. maybe it can keep me sane? beats confiding in people at work and have them blab about you during lunch.
